Badgerstaff Wheneverly Volume 2 Issue 6

Seanitis Cure By: Rayne
Fiction - The Muse Sagas by:Laura
Seanitis Cure By: Rayne
Movie Review "Fever Pitch" by: Lindsay L

Due to the increasing cases of Seanitis around (as happens after he actually figures out use modern technology to send us information –damn toasters are less reliable then Macs!), I have created a Twelve Step program (no way connected to the twelve step program I hear about in movies with sex addicted Viggos.... mmmm... Sex addicted Viggos.... wait... where was I?) to provide a treatment to this most noxious, and dare I say it, EVIL, of all diseases.



First step: Stop calling him Sean, Seanus, Mildred, or (for the more affected of you) "My little pooky-kins". Call him Grandma. Has an immediate effect of imaging Sean in an ugly dress, sitting on a rocking chair, knitting. This causes an immediate drop in the hormones which are causing the temporary insanity of considering Sea- I mean, Grandma, as a possible father of your future children.


Second step: *thwaps you all* BAD BADGERS!!! BAD!!!


Third step: Every time you have a blushy thought about Grandma, go run full speed into a wall. Continue this until just thinking about having blushy thoughts about Grandma makes you cry out in pain and huddle in a corner of the room muttering shaking.


Fourth step: *thwaps you all* BAD BADGERS!!! BAD!!!


Fifth step: Find the picture that Ness made of Grandma as a girl. Print it out and stick it above your computer. Then convince yourself that the only girl pretty enough for Grandma to date just happens to be himself. In time this will cause you to resent the fact that Grandma has a better chance of dating Grandma than you do of dating (either) Grandma.


Sixth step: *thwaps you all* BAD BADGERS!!! BAD!!!


Seventh step: Remember the pain of dealing with Klepto Grandma. Any items of yours gone missing lately? You all know who to blame... Also, you know that virus... The one that messes up your computer when you need it the most... It had nothing to do with that porn you downloaded... Grandma put it on your computer.


Eighth step: *thwaps you all* BAD BADGERS!!! BAD!!!


Ninth step: While he did brilliantly bring us all together, he is meant to be our butler, and he is crap at it. And frankly, it’s wrong to have blushy fantasies about a guy who can’t mix a decent apple martini!


Tenth step: *thwaps you all* BAD BADGERS!!! BAD!!!


Eleventh step*: Grandma steals candy from children and kicks puppies. *nods* And he’s a member of a cult which believes Bill Gates is God (...blasphemy! We all know that I am God...). And he causses cancer as well. And he killed Kelly’s goldfish. He also ate the last piece of chocolate the day before you got your period. I, know. He’s evil.



Twelfth step: *thwaps you all* BAD BADGERS!!! BAD!!!




If you follow the steps outlined in this program your symptoms should fade. If not, I’m afraid it’s terminal.


And remember: Take it one day at a time and YOU WILL SUCCEED!




*Please note that information in the Eleventh step is still under investigation. Except that part about me being God. That’s true.