Ah, the chat. Ah, the board. Both delightful sources of angst, joy, humor, sex, and annoyance, all without the cheap soap opera stars. But when your butt is not planted in your computer desk chair, you must rid yourself from all that is SBC/SBMB, lest your friends and family find your behavior to be 'erratic' and 'psychopathic'.
So I have compiled a few helpful tips for you to take with you through your every day life in a fairly mediocre manner.
1. Stop the Laughter.
We're very funny people. Forget the damn clowns, bring in the SBers! Take a moment to recall such humorous events as the Excelsior conversation, all the parties, using Fion as a bath sponge, deep conversations on why male genitalia is so hideous, renaming Sean, Turkish Family reunions, so on and so forth. You can't help but crack a smile.
While these are instant, non-perscription anti depressants, random outbursts of laughter upon recalling these events in public places is not recognized as normal behavior. To avoid those frightened civillian stares and weeping children asking for their mommies, cancel out these memories with serious, mournful thoughts. Funerals. Gary Coleman. Santa Claus. Dead puppies. Root canals. Do all that you can to kill thoughts of laughter or cheer.
Repress, repress, repress!
2. Detach Yourself.
You may come across things in your day-to-day routine that remind you of anything that is SBC/SBMB. A goat, a pig, a bunny, a penis, a coconut, a gnome, any number of things. Ere long, your entire world will seem to be SBC/SBMB. You are surrounded; you cannot escape.
If you find this happening to you, the only solution is to become incredibly jaded. Memories and nostalgia are overrated. Try to see the world in black-and-white, and move through your day in a mechanical, meaningless manner.
In only a few short weeks, you will find yourself an empty receptacle of a human being.
3. Do Something Else.
The board and the chat are like drugs. They are incredibly addictive. If you find yourself longing for a dose throughout the day, you are officially an addict and should stop this before you find yourself out on the streets, trying to score an AOL free trial disc.
Paint your toenails. Throw rocks at cars. Question pedestrians' sexual orientation. Pillage shopping carts at the grocery store. Keep yourself busy, and your mind preoccupied.
4. Give In.
Let's face it: if you've been a member of SBC/SBMB for 2 or more months, you're already lost to us. You cannot imagine life without the trials, tribulations, and triumphs of your fellow badgers. Sean is ducky, but it's the fellowship of your camaraderies that keeps you coming back for more. Why fight it?
And thus, dear readers, is the end of my completely pointless article. There's ten minutes of your life that you'll never get back. Until next time, stay insane and eat lots of papaya.